Breadcrumbs

“I love you more than life itself”

Sex and Honesty

Often, we assume that sexual honesty is about being faithful to your partner and telling the truth about something you did wrong instead of making up a fantastic scenario that shows you in a better light. But often, sexual honesty goes even deeper, and it is a way of ensuring that you have a healthy relationship based on trust. So avoiding relationship lies, even if it is to make your lover feel better.

“I'm fine.” A lot of people believe in hiding their own feelings, either to avoid conflict or to make their partner feel better by sacrificing their own needs. An occasional white lie may be necessary (“No, you don’t look fat in that dress”), but always putting your partner first can slowly build up resentment. It doesn’t mean you have to snipe or be vicious, it just means that you must be honest enough to own your feelings without projecting them on a partner. Instead of saying, “You're so selfish, you’re always late!” you could say, “I feel taken for granted when you change plans at the last minute without telling me.” That way, you’re projecting your hurt onto yourself and your partner is less likely to get defensive.

“Ooh, ooh, aah.” Both sexes fake it in bed to spare their partner’s feelings (or to end a sex session that is taking too long). But if you fake your reactions in bed, your lover will assume you like what they do and continue doing it. Instead, gently guide your partner towards a body part or action that really gets you going, and let them see how it pleases you. If you’re too tired/drunk/stressed to climax, just say so. Faking it is worse than bad sex and can have some pretty damaging effects.

“I'm happy to do that.” Every person has different sexual predilections. Just because a partner asks you to do something in bed doesn’t mean you immediately have to agree to do it. If you don’t like the idea of a certain sex act, be honest about your feelings without judging your partner or berating them for suggesting it. At the same time, accept it gracefully if your partner doesn’t like to try something you suggested. Compromise is one thing and going ahead with something you’re not comfortable with, is quite another. Real sexual confidence is about being able to say ‘No’ while saying ‘Yes’.

A healthy, loving relationship is based on affection and respect, so be respectful enough to tell the truth and hope that your partner trusts you enough to be honest in return. This will put your relationship on solid ground.

Real sexual confidence is as much about saying “No,” as saying, “Yes.”