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Let's Talk About Sex

How to Communicate With Your Lover About Sex

Almost all the Agony Aunt columns or advice columns you see in lifestyle magazines and relationship blogs stress on one word: Communicate. But it is not always easy to do so, especially in your sex life. Many people have a lot of insecurities about their looks and bodies, their triggers and put-offs, because after all, sex is a loaded topic. And nobody wants to think that they are not particularly great in bed!

When conducted properly, communication in sex can open the door to a richer relationship with your partner. Sex is something only the two of you share. It is a sexy little world only for the two of you, and it is the key benefit of being in a loving relationship. If you know your partner well enough to have sex with them, you can certainly discuss your feelings with them. It’s about sharing your mind just as you share your body.

However, most people say the wrong things about their partner’s (lack of) sexual prowess. Saying things like ‘You don’t know how to touch my breasts’ or ‘You’re not able to do it properly’ is hurtful, even if true. Sexual communication is about putting forth your thoughts without ascribing negativity to the discussion. Instead, you can counteract the negativity with praise. If your lover is able to arouse you with just a caress, tell them so. If you keep thinking of a hot, sexy night you two spent together, remind them about it. And if you want to try a new move in the bedroom, talk to them about it before and after sex. When you praise your lover’s sexual behaviour frequently, they will be less defensive when you bring their less praiseworthy acts up in the discussion.

Sexual communication is also great for foreplay. You can take turns to play ‘teacher’ and ‘student’ and give them a preview of what you like in bed. Then let them practice on you, gently guiding them occasionally. When they are able to touch you the way you love, tell them so. Now reverse your roles and practice on your lover. This way, you can make your sexy lessons a regular part of your life, and learn so much more about each other in the process.

Not all communication involves talk. Write your partner a sexy letter describing exactly what you would like to do to them – but don’t make it too hot if they’re not used to receiving such letters! Or send them a spicy text in the middle of the day, asking a saucy question and waiting for them to answer. You could even mail them a love letter, or initiate a cybersex session. You could try spending time apart in different rooms of the house – sometimes the distance makes it easier to open up.

Sexual communication goes both ways – you must listen to your partner’s needs too, even as you share your own thoughts and experiences. If both of you are honest about your desires, you are more likely to have the kind of sexual relationship you’ve always wanted.

You can also turn sexual communication into a fun foreplay game.