Everybody accepts that women can take a while to orgasm, and some cannot orgasm during penetrative sex at all. It is also generally felt that men are ready to ‘do it’ at any moment. The truth is, men can also struggle to orgasm during sex.
- Erectile dysfunction. A man cannot have sex on demand, like everybody assumes. Many factors can take their toll on sexual performance, like stress and performance anxiety. Even such factors as excessive drinking, taking certain medication, and an unhealthy lifestyle may affect an erection. If everything is normal, not getting an erection can be your body’s way of signalling that you’re not ready to have sex.
- Premature ejaculation. This is a deal-breaker for many men, but it’s not a serious problem. It can happen due to inexperience, extreme excitement or insecurity about one’s body. There’s no reason to worry unless it happens every single time you have sex. You can try delay condoms. If you are able to climax more than once in a single session, you can try resting after one ejaculation. The second erection often lasts longer than the first – this explains why some men masturbate before heading out on a date. Meanwhile, you can pleasure your partner with your hands or your mouth, and get her a love ring so that her orgasm speeds up!
- Retarded ejaculation. This is the opposite of premature ejaculation. You might really want to orgasm, but you just can’t come! This happens due to a lot of stress, taking certain medicines, drinking alcohol or any other reasons. If it’s a regular occurrence, you should see your doctor. However, a possible side effect is that your partner might feel that you are not attracted to them – so you may need to reassure them on this count.
- Sensitivity After Orgasm: After you have orgasmed, your penis might be sensitive to the touch. Let it rest and give it a while for the sensitivity to reduce. This waiting period is known as a ‘refractory period’. If you want to go again, you can use lube so that the second time is comfortable and there is no chafing. If it hurts, don’t do it.
Whether you come early or late or not at all, it doesn’t make you less of a man. If your partner ridicules you on your ‘non-performance’ instead of being sensitive about it, you might wish to analyse if they care about your feelings at all. Meanwhile, if you worry about these problems often, you should visit the doctor to rule out any medical issues that may be causing them. Erection issues are often indicative of such issues as diabetes, though often, the issue is more mental than physical.
Just because you want to be up and ready for action doesn't mean it'll happen on demand.