Everybody remembers their first sexual encounter, even after several years have passed. After all, there is just one first time for it, and there are no do-overs! It can be a mind-blowing experience, or a tender one. It can also be pleasurable, sensual and loving – or a combination of all of these. But for many couples, having sex for the first time is more about ‘getting it over with’ than leading up to it naturally. It can happen as a result of peer pressure, especially when you’re young. But even if it is the first time, it can still be really great and as good an experience as you will ever have. Take a look at the list of ten things to do to ensure that your first sexual experience is a memorable one.
Ask yourself “Am I ready?”
It is not wise to have sex unless you are ready for it. Ask yourself: Who am I doing this for – myself or my partner? You have to feel confident in the decision you make, and it has to be about how you feel. Does the idea of having sex excite or scare you? And also remember that you have to be within the legal age to have sex.
Talk about it with your partner
Communicating with your partner will ease much of what is to follow. This is not going to be an easy conversation, but it has to be done. If you have any concerns or fears, discuss them openly. Study your partner carefully when you have this talk – if they seem uncomfortable or not ‘into’ the idea, it is better to wait.
Whether it is your first time or the 50th, your sex must always be safe for both partners. Visit your doctor or a pharmacist to get all the information you need about having safe sex. If you are protected, the sex will feel much better! Use a condom for sex – it protects against infections and unplanned pregnancy, so they are an important part of first time sex to ease your mind. If you want to try other forms of contraception, you must talk to your doctor first.
Get to know your own body
Take some time to figure yourself out before you have sex. You can have really great sex if you know what gets you going, what turns you on and which kind of touching you love. Explore your body by yourself to get this knowledge. Most people masturbate and it is natural to do so – it is also fun to do it with your partner.
Pick the right time
Location is everything for first time sex. Look for a safe, private spot where you will feel calm and you are not likely to be disturbed. The setting must be comfortable and stress-free, because you will need ample time to get down to things. The setting must also be cosy so that your shared experience of intimacy becomes really special.
Sex shouldn’t hurt
Most women are terrified of first time sex hurting a lot. If you are aroused and the pace is relaxed and you feel comfortable, then sex will feel really great, though a little new and strange. Take your time over foreplay – use your hands and mouths to explore each other. It is better to have water-based lubricant on hand for your first time – it might even be necessary. Pay attention to what your body tells you – if it hurts or is uncomfortable, stop it. It could be your body telling you that you’re not ready to go further, or that you prefer another position.
It's fine to be embarrassed
It’s your first time – relax! It’s not going to happen like in the movies, and everything is going to feel really strange. You might need to start and stop things at various points because both of you will react really differently to each other – and it’s okay to feel awkward! As long as what you’re doing feels right, it’s okay to feel embarrassed and even laugh and have fun with it.
Take your time
There’s no need to rush things. It is all about experimenting and going slow. You don’t know what the other really likes, so go slow and don’t assume that it has to happen like it does in porn films. Sex is a game between two partners, and not everyone likes the same things. Focus on what feels great, what you both want and take your time to really make the experience intense.
You can’t decipher all the sounds and sighs coming from your partner the very first time, so it is better to talk during the act. There is no need for long conversations; keep it simple with questions like, ‘Is that good?’ ‘Do you like that’, and saying ‘Oh yes’, ‘Wait’, ‘Softer’, ‘Harder’, ‘Keep going’. In combination with the sounds your partner makes, you can understand what’s working and what isn’t.
What comes after
You must be clear what you expect from the encounter. Sex has different meanings for different people. You could want it to be the start of an intense relationship, or just something to relieve stress. Your partner might have a diametrically different view of sex than you do. Discuss your views with your partner to know what each of you expects from the experience.
Your first sexual experience can be wonderful, but only if you have it for the right reasons. You can go ahead with it if it feels right and your body and mind are in sync about it. But if you have any misgivings and overwhelming feelings of fear, it is better to wait.