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The Sex Life of Your Dreams?

Turning fantasy into reality


Almost everyone has some secret sexual fantasies and fetishes. These could be as simple as your partner wearing stockings and suspenders during sex, or more complex scenarios where you use kinky toys and role play. Though some fantasies are best left unexpressed (for instance, wanting to have group sex with your partner’s entire group of friends) you can express other intimate desires with your partner to bond with them.

You can communicate with your partner in many ways. If you’re too shy to broach the topic directly, you can communicate via saucy texts, or leaving little notes in their pocket, or sharing an erotic passage from a book. Whichever way you choose to approach the discussion, start small: you don’t want to alarm your partner at the outset! 

Since every person thinks differently, your partner might not be on board with some of your ideas and even the discussion of these fantasies. A respectful partner will not judge you for having these fantasies, but you should not sulk if they decide not to participate in them. Instead, look for a way to meet your partner mid-way: temper down your dream or ask them to trade some of theirs.

If both of you decide to work out your fantasy, be sure to do so within the boundaries of safety and what each partner considers appropriate. You must also consider the potential emotional and physical effects of your actions. Often, many fantasies are best left to the imagination – just leave it at dirty talk.

Your partner’s reaction is also a key factor to consider. They may be willing to try something you suggest, but they may not enjoy it. You might let your arousal get the better of you, but do take their likes and desires into account. But don’t feel obliged to agree to your partner’s fantasies if you are not comfortable with it. Being honest and respectful is better for both partners.

It might seem exciting to live out your fantasies, but soon, they may impact your regular sex life, especially if the latter seems dull in comparison. Ask yourself if you are willing to give up something you and your partner have for sure, in favour of excitement that fades over time.

But if you still want to make your fantasy come true, take it slowly and build on it gradually, all the while taking your partner’s needs into account. If you notice that they’re not enjoying it as much as you are, do the right thing and stop. Relax, laugh, communicate with each other and you can together create your own new fantasy which will thrill you for years.

"Start with your mildest fantasies and work your way up based on your lover's reaction."