Sex Before Marriage: To Do or Not to Do?

Sex Before Marriage: To Do or Not to Do?

Ask the boomers, and they will look aghast when asked about sex before marriage. Although the taboo topic of sex is discussed more openly today, the question "Is it okay to have sex before marriage?" is still not clearly answered for most millennials and Gen-Zers in India. 

The decision to have sex before or after marriage is extremely personal, and there isn't a right or wrong answer. You shouldn't ever be pressured to make a decision you are uncomfortable with. Let’s take a look at the different pros and cons of having sex before marriage.

What's great about having sex before marriage 

Physical intimacy is essential  for all human beings, and sex is an integral part of a romantic relationship. Despite this, several factors like culture, religion, faith, and spirituality often influence how people think and feel about sex, especially out of wedlock.  

But there are several reasons why one can think about having sex before marriage:
#1 Helps you understand your sexual identity  

Everyone has a different sexual identity, and we don't only mean sexual orientations. This includes who they are attracted to, what satisfies them sexually, and what they enjoy or don't enjoy. 

When you engage in sexual intimacy, you learn about yourself and understand your own sexual identity and style with greater clarity. This plays a critical role in any relationship you get into and forms the foundation for a great sex life.

#2 Helps you understand if you have sexual chemistry

Sexual chemistry and compatibility are not always discussed very openly, even in close quarters. While you can't force sexual chemistry, it does help couples understand whether they are sexually compatible before entering wedlock. 

Not being sexually attracted to your partner can become a point of conflict in your relationship. While not engaging in sex before the much-hyped wedding night is common in arranged marriages, having sex before marriage could prove practical and realistic—it helps you and your partner evaluate your relationship and expectations.   

#3 Eliminates awkwardness between partners

Getting intimate and having sex for the first time is often awkward. Having sex before marriage can help couples get to know each other better, remove any awkwardness, and enable them to discover their sexual side and the overall chemistry. 

It allows you to enhance your relationship, especially if you are headed for marriage with that partner.

#4 Gives you a chance to strengthen your sexual game

It is natural for most people who are having sex for the first time to feel anxious about how good they are at sex and whether they will be judged on their sexual performance. 

To help boost your confidence in your sexual game, it may be a good idea to have sex before getting married, as it will give you the opportunity to convey your wants and needs and understand those of your partner.

#5 Builds deeper emotional connection between you and your partner

A relationship has many facets. A relationship with satisfying sexual intimacy is known to deepen the emotional connection between two individuals. When you and your partner are happy with each other, it gives a feeling of being fulfilled, and that in turn gives you plenty of opportunity to build an intimate emotional connection between you and your partner. 

The quality of your sex life before marriage can also contribute to emotional contentment in your relationship, whether it heads for marriage or not.

Are there negative consequences of having sex before marriage?

If you were unsure about having sex before marriage and still went ahead with the act, it is natural to worry about repercussions. There are also potential drawbacks to having premarital sex: 

  • There is an inherent risk of finding out that you are not sexually compatible with your partner, which can negatively impact your relationship.
  • For some people, engaging in frequent sex before marriage can increase the chances of boredom setting in.
  • If you have sex with multiple partners, you are at an increased risk of contracting STDs (sexually transmitted diseases).
  • Pregnancy is always a risk when engaging in intercourse. In India, pregnancy out of wedlock is heavily frowned upon and stigmatised.
  • Many faiths are against premarital sex, and those who are devout followers of those faiths can experience emotional conflict and guilt over their actions.

Questions about sex to ask before marriage

Whether you decide to have sex before marriage  or not, engaging in conversations about sex with your partner is essential. This helps you understand your partner's thoughts, views, perspectives and overall understanding of sex.   

Here are some questions about sex you can ask your partner:

  1. How comfortable are you having sex before marriage?
  2. How does your religious faith influence your views on sex?  
  3. Do you believe in birth control? Are you on any?
  4. Are you open to undergoing STD tests before marriage?  
  5. What should we do if our sex drives do not match up?
  6. What if we get pregnant before marriage?
  7. What sexual fantasy do you want to try together?
  8. What would you need to have an orgasm?   
  9. What are your turn-ons?   
  10. Do you think foreplay and anal sex are important for a great sex life?   
  11. Is there something that turns you off in bed?   

Summing up

The decision to have or not have sex before marriage is a very personal one that every individual must make. It is best to evaluate your decision to engage in premarital sex without external pressure or influences like religion or society. Establishing healthy and frank

communication with your partner can go a long way in setting the tone of a healthy and happy marriage.  

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