Life is exciting because each person is so different. This applies to sex as well. Whether you have a new partner or have a long-time lover, the core of good sex is in learning all about each other. And yet, people are still at a loss when it comes to talking about their sexuality. The first step to having a fulfilling sex life is to talking about your fantasies so that you may be able to realise them.

Two main reasons stop people from talking about their sexual fantasies:

They’re a Giver

Some people’s attitude towards sex is unambiguous – they only want to provide pleasure. This could be due to many factors – they’re really generous, or they take pride in pleasing their partner, or because they see themselves as a sexual martyr. They don’t talk about their own sexual fantasies or likes, because they believe their needs come second to their partners’. Is this how you think? If it is, then you might need to rethink this approach, because you are pleasing your partner at the cost of denying them the thing you carve – the satisfaction of bringing pleasure to you. Thinking about and talking what you want does not make you selfish. But then, you might be on the other end of the spectrum in this issue – in which case you need to balance the matter out, because you don’t want your partner to feel like…

They’re with a Taker

While some people’s role in sex is only to give, others feel like they only need to take. In some cases, the role of the taker might be thrust upon one partner as the other never discusses what they want. If you think you are putting your partner in a position where they become the taker, address the matter at once. Talk to them and ensure that they know that you want to know exactly what they want from sex. This need not be a dramatic conversation at all – just ask what they want. Or if you feel that your partner is more selfish and is always the taker, communicate here as well. If you can display some dominance, do so but tell your partner what you want, don’t ask them to guess. If it seems to direct to discuss outright, you can drop in the matter into your private conversation by keeping the tone light-hearted but the content serious. Once your partner realises the pleasure that lies in bringing pleasure, the imbalance in the relationship will get sorted out.

You are guaranteed to have better sex if you communicate better with each other, so ensure complete openness when you discuss your fantasies and needs with your partner. What you must remember is that communicating your desires is more important than actually having them come true – it is possible that your partner does not want to share in them, which is fine as well. It is wiser to not introduce anything new in the bedroom unless you have discussed it with your partner first, especially when you’re proposing something ‘out there’. If you are open with your partner and willing to listen and discuss their views as well, there are higher chances of having them participating and performing your fantasy – thus leading to better sex for you both.