Shying Away From Sex?
Building Sexual Confidence
It's easy to assume that everyone is confident in the bedroom except for you, but in reality, most people have some insecurities or concerns about sex. Though it may take a little work, there are easy ways to boost your sexual confidence.
- Be honest: That doesn't mean listing everything that you think is wrong about yourself to your partner, but instead telling your lover if you feel shy, nervous or insecure, so that they don't push you beyond your comfort zone.
- Know yourself: It's hard to be confident with a lover if you don't know what you want. And don't just think of it in a physical way. Fantasising can help you explore how comfortable you are with different sexual roles. Whether you make them come true is entirely up to you.
- Be informed: Learn the basics of male or female anatomy and ask your lover what they like. You don't need to be a mind reader or contortionist to be a great lover – just care about your partner's pleasure (and your own).
- Cover up: If you're insecure about a particular part of your body, don't put yourself under the pressure of getting naked at first. There's nothing wrong with keeping a few clothes on during early make out sessions: you can reveal yourself gradually to a lover, as you build trust. However, don't see this as a permanent solution: it's simply a step in the road to help you build up your confidence enough to get naked. You can rest assured that if a lover wants to have sex with you, they like what they see.
- Dress up: Again, this is a step along the road rather than ultimate solution, but some people find it's easier to be sexual if they get dressed up in sexy lingerie, or even wear a mask (think Venetian masked ball rather than George Bush). It may sound silly but clothes help us play roles, and acting as if you're sexually confident is one of the easiest ways to become sexually confident.
- Get fit: Exercise and healthy living don't just make you look better – you'll feel more emotionally resilient too. Better yet, exercise with your lover so you both benefit from pumping endorphins and extra stamina.
"Self-love helps build sexual confidence"