Sex is often painted as effortless, euphoric, and deeply satisfying. But here’s the truth nobody talks about enough: for many people, sex can sometimes hurt. And not in the playful, Fifty Shades way. Real, uncomfortable, sometimes unbearable pain. Research indicates that as many as 75% of women will experience vaginal pain during sex at some stage in their lives, with 10 to 20% dealing with it more often.
The good news? This isn’t something you have to accept or silently put up with. There are clear reasons behind it, and with the right understanding and support, it can usually be resolved. So, let’s know the facts. Why does pain during sex happen, when it’s worth seeking advice, and how can you take steps towards more comfortable, enjoyable intimacy?
What “Painful Sex” Actually Means
Pain during sex, also known by the medical term dyspareunia, refers to discomfort or pain that occurs before, during, or after intercourse. The pain can feel different for everyone. Some describe it as burning or stinging, while others describe it as a dull ache deep inside. It might happen only in certain positions, or every time you have sex.
Here’s the key thing: Occasional discomfort isn’t unusual, but persistent pain is not something you should ignore or “just live with.”
Why Does Sex Hurt? The Most Common Culprits
Sexual pain can stem from multiple reasons, physical, emotional, or a mix of both. Here are some of the most common culprits:
1.Insufficient Lubrication
A lack of arousal, hormonal changes (like menopause or after childbirth), or certain medications can leave you feeling dry, which makes penetration uncomfortable.
2.Infections or Medical Conditions
Urinary Tract Infections (UTIs), yeast infections, or Sexually Transmitted Infections (STIs) can all trigger pain. Conditions like endometriosis, fibroids, or pelvic inflammatory disease are also frequent offenders.
3.Pelvic Floor Muscle Tension
Stress, trauma, or anxiety can cause involuntary tightening of pelvic floor muscles, making penetration painful, a condition sometimes referred to as vaginismus.
4.Hormonal Shifts
During menopause or while breastfeeding, declining oestrogen levels can thin vaginal tissue, causing dryness and discomfort.
5.Psychological Factors
Anxiety, body image concerns, or past negative sexual experiences can heighten pain perception, creating a cycle of tension and discomfort.
When to Stop Googling and See a Doctor
Rule of thumb: If sex regularly hurts, don’t brush it off. Persistent pain could be your body’s way of signalling something more serious. Seek professional advice if you notice:
1.Pain every time you attempt penetration
2.Bleeding after sex, especially if it’s not your first time
3.A sudden change in comfort levels
4.Sharp or deep pelvic pain
5.Burning sensations that don’t go away
Your GP or gynaecologist will likely ask questions about your symptoms and may suggest a pelvic exam or tests. It might feel awkward, but remember, health professionals see this every day. You’re not alone, and your comfort matters.
Practical Steps to Ease Discomfort
While the exact solution depends on the root cause, there are practical steps you can take right now to make sex more comfortable:
1.Prioritise Foreplay
Arousal naturally increases lubrication and helps your body prepare. Take your time, don’t rush into penetration.
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Plan a fun game night; this will help break the ice and get you started on a playful note. Our personal recommendation for beginners, The Bites and Kisses board game, a unique and entertaining way to explore desires, reward and get rewarded in the bedroom at every turn.
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2.Invest in Good Lube
A high-quality water-based lubricant like Durex Naturals or a silicone-based lubricant like Durex Real Feel can be a game-changer. Think of it as skincare for your sex life.
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3.Experiment With Positions
Some positions allow for better control over depth and angle, easing pressure on sensitive areas.
4.Communicate Openly
Talk to your partner about what feels good and what doesn’t. Pleasure thrives on honesty.
5.Pelvic Floor Therapy
Specialised physiotherapists can help you retrain and relax tight muscles, which often reduces pain dramatically.
6.Medical Treatment
Hormone creams, antifungal medication, or treatment for underlying conditions may be prescribed by your doctor if needed.
The Myths That Need Retiring
Let’s set the record straight on a few common misconceptions:
1.“A little pain is just part of being a woman.”
False. Sex should never hurt as a standard. Discomfort is a sign that something needs attention.
2.“It’ll get better if I just push through.”
Forcing painful sex often worsens both the physical and emotional side of things. Listen to your body.
3,“It’s all in your head.”
Psychological factors can play a role, yes, but that doesn’t make your pain any less real. It deserves the same care and respect as any other health issue.
What About Men and Painful Sex?
While conversations about painful sex in women are common, it’s important to remember that men can experience painful sex too. Research shows that while the numbers are lower, they’re still significant; around 1 to 5% of men report experiencing pain during intercourse.
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The causes can vary, from infections and skin conditions to issues like Peyronie’s disease (curvature of the penis), tight foreskin, or even pelvic floor tension. Just like with women, psychological factors such as anxiety or performance pressure can also play a role.
The takeaway? Pain during sex isn’t exclusive to women, and it’s certainly not something men should ignore. If discomfort keeps showing up, a check-in with a healthcare professional can make all the difference.
The Emotional Impact Nobody Talks About
Pain during sex doesn’t just affect the body; it can spill into every part of your emotional and romantic life. You might start avoiding intimacy, worrying about disappointing your partner, or feeling anxious before sex. Over time, this can strain relationships and dent self-esteem.
Acknowledging this emotional load is crucial. Pain isn’t just a physical sensation; it’s entwined with trust, vulnerability, and connection. Seeking support, whether from a therapist, a partner, or a sexual health specialist, can help untangle these layers.
The Final Word: Pleasure is Non-negotiable
Pain during sex, whether experienced by women or men, is more common than most people realise, but it should never be accepted as “normal.” From physical conditions and hormonal changes to psychological factors, there are many reasons why it happens, and thankfully, just as many solutions.
The most important step is to listen to your body and seek support when something doesn’t feel right. Open communication with your partner, a little experimentation, and professional guidance where needed can help transform uncomfortable experiences into fulfilling ones.
At the end of the day, sex should be about connection, pleasure, and intimacy. Not pain. If you find yourself struggling, remember that you deserve a healthy, enjoyable sex life, and help is always available.
